You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
