Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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