Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
