i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
