if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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