How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic