Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better