I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad