am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go