wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
