By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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