i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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