my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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