Where did you get a picture of my penis
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
