I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
