im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's blow job season.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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