I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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