seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
