I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
