i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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