I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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