We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
