As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
