did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
