Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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