Will you blow on my dice?
My room smells like vodka and shame
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
