Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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