3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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