Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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