I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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