You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
