is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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