just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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