fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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