Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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