My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
