I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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