That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
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As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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