i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
