At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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