I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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