Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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