Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
