its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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