Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
