Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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