What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
