Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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