Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
