let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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