You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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