I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
