I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do vagina's smell?
what day is it and did you see me today?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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