chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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