**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
tonight lets celebrate not being married
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
