Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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