i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
