So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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