If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
