Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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