I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
