My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
