Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
