why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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