Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She bit a glass in half.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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