ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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