I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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