Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
