his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize