FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
