I just saw a hot homeless man
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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