I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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