Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
