we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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