What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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