A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will pee on everything he values.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
