I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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