i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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