If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
