can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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