OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
