i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
