You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He felt like a one man threesome
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
