A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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