just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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