when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
