We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
