Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
