Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
